27 Mar 2002
Come close, because I don't want to shout. I don't want this to--you know--get out to the authorities. Ready? Robert Downey, Jr. is just now completing work on his most challenging acting role: a repentent drug addict. This is very challenging for a number of reasons:
- Downey is not a drug addict.
- He is not repentent.
- He has to read really awful cliched lines like, "My primary concerns are staying sober and spending time with my son and family." (Note the typical NA nonsense that staying sober is more important than spending time with your loved ones.)
Hospital? Jail? A Rose by Any Other Name
Last July, Downey accepted a one year prison sentence for his recent cocaine possession charge. The prison is called a "hospital", but it is a prison and if you need clarification send me some e-mail. Well, he's almost there. Just over three months to go, and as everyone who has been in jail knows: the first half is the hardest.
My concern is that all the brainwashing that he is being subjected to will stick. But I don't think this is the case. He's a smart guy, and once he's out and on his own he will understand that doing drugs is a choice, not a disease. And he'll probably do fine once he stops having people sniff his pee (I bet he never thought stardom would bring that).
He's Good Enough. He's Smart Enough. And...
I really do hope that when all his legal problems are over Downey will leave this country. There are plenty of countries where he would be left alone. I don't know of a single instance where Downey has criminally harmed someone. And yet, look at what the government has done to him.
I do have a word of caution, however. Robert: don't walk around the streets at night. You are too high profile. And, don't forget to hire me to ghostwrite your autobiography. I have some great lies that the public will just eat up. And remember the formula: 397 pages of "God! Drugs are great!" and 3 pages of "I'm so happy now that I'm clean and sober!" If three pages sounds like too much, we can cut it down. Just a single paragraph will work:
And then I discovered NA. I got a sponsor, worked the 12 steps 12 different times. I'm clean and sober and I couldn't be happier. Of course, I can't act anymore because that would get in the way of the 7 meetings I need to go to each day.